So Tuesday I found out eight of us at work would be made redundant. I was the only one from my section but honestly I knew it was coming. How could I not.... even though they were trying so hard to be clever. It's not hard when you and your new boss have totally opposite beliefs on compassion and such. This blog stands in good evidence how disorganized and scattered I can be. I've been here at the University for 15 years and am due to get my 15 year pin next week. I think - to be fair to myself and to the others - I will miss that meeting. I don't want to find myself shaking hands with one of the people who signed my dismissal paper. Technically it's for restructuring the School, which is a fancy way of cutting back, keeping people who feel ideologically similar to the current bosses. I'm not angry at any one person in particular just the fact that they didn't try to keep us on somehow. That it was easy to let us go... that hurt... after 15 years told I wasn't needed or important enough to be kept on somehow. Since then I've had instructors and co-workers go out of their way to check on me or let me know how much they will miss me. More than I thought would say things. LARGE EDITOR"S NOTE: I thought I'd stick this in... the above mentioned feelings as one could guess was based shortly thereafter my termination note. I want to add in that I was totally wrong about my supervisor. We still think totally opposite from each other about some things (and I could be the one who needs to grow) but she was really supportative and compassionate about stuff. She went out of her way to help me which I am really grateful. OKAY, so I make mistakes but I at least can admit them.
I do love my work. I love the people I mostly work with.... students, faculty and staff. (A few exceptions there.) So now I'm a lame duck - so to speak since they are giving us dispossessed 60 days to find another job. The University is trying to help it's dismissed population find new roots. I attended a meeting on my rights and choices. I can get help from them on resume writing, interviewing tricks and a slight hire preference request. I'm working on my resume, my personal and professional references and trying to get going.
I'm choosing to view this in a positive way. To think that an almost 60 struggling artist can be recognized for the skills and enthusiasms that keep her young and keep people happy to visit and will find a new job quickly and easily. I will miss learning the obscure knowledge of science, (hard since I'm an art major). Early on, working in the Biological Sciences taught me that art and science are similar and satisfy the same need to create. (I once did an art show with all the people in my section donating a piece of artwork they did for fun. We had over 50 pieces) I was amazed that so many scientists could do such beautiful and haunting work. They were too.
Hopefully I will continue at the University in some other department and find new interests and new conversations. I miss the people I found a bond with and hope to continue that friendship. I will learn to forgive the people who thought my contributions weren't good enough to keep.